In the media, cops are often portrayed as smart, athletic people who will stop at nothing to catch a criminal.
In reality, most cops are stunningly normal, and while they may say they’ll fight to the ends of the Earth to nab a perp, they’ll more than likely give up if doing so means filling out two forms or running more than a few blocks.
Not to steal the classic Nick Mullen tweet but that literally happened to a member of my family who was robbed by their neighbour, there were actually footprints in the snow leading from a smashed window directly back to the culprit's house. pic.twitter.com/roZLRuftIC
— Adam (@ChalicothereX) June 6, 2020
This isn’t just me being a dick, either; the cops who aren’t juicing are by and large totally out of shape, with 40 percent of officers being obese and 74 percent classifying “with elevated-to-stage two hypertension.” Plus, around half of all murders in the country go unsolved — I guess the boys in blue are just too busy with all that dog killing.
That said, every once in a while, a cop gets the chance to prove their physical might, such as during a recent police chase in Corpus Christi, Texas. Let’s see how it goes!
The slowest police chase so far this year goes to the city of Corpus Christi Texas pic.twitter.com/F0jkPpU8W3
— Dallas Texas TV (@DallasTexasTV) May 9, 2024
Yeah. Not great.
In short, the video shows a dispute between two officers and a woman. Suddenly, the woman decides to make a run for it — well, *jog* for it.
Despite her slow pace, the officers really can’t keep up with the woman, giving her plenty of room to leisurely make her way to wherever her (probably drunk) self wants to go.
I love the quick acceleration to create separation then she steadied her stride for the long haul. This is clutch low speed chase strategy. https://t.co/FvZhI1P4QL
— Ryan Clark (@Realrclark25) May 10, 2024
We don’t know if she actually got away, but given her pace, it wouldn’t be a surprise if she did. Remember kids: if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime — unless you can run for more than two minutes without vomiting.
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